There is an idea of a me; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there.
I know, and you are so right- but the problem is, I don’t find joy in anything that used to make me happy. All the little hobbies I used to love, I have no interest in anymore.
the only thing im holding onto, the only thing thats really keeping me going is reyan. but thats stupid, i cant depend on a person to give my life meaning. whats going to happen when he realizes im only going to bring him down? whats going to happen when he’s gone? i cant depend on a person… thats stupid. but what else am i to do?
sometimes when im missing reyan i’ll listen to his songs on youtube and fall asleep to his voice. i hope thats not lame.
i miss reyan
im trying so hard to hold onto something, anything, but i have nothing to live for. im past my limit- i want to die, i want to kill myself and i honestly think i just might.